Are interpersonal conflicts avoidable?

It never fails to amaze me how frequently conflicts come about. Conflicts appear to be a fact of life. Look at how frequently conflicts arise today. You see it happening amongst neighbours, where small matters can actually balloon to become big issues. (I have encountered two neighbours of mine who were arguing over a flower pot that was placed in the middle of the corridor!). You see write-ups on conflicts in the newspapers, where even a simple staring incident can lead to a major fight, leaving both parties severely hurt or even killed! Conflicts even take place when it comes to countries stating claims over territories, such as the Pedra Branca issue.

So we must ask ourselves, since conflicts can potentially take place anywhere and everywhere, are they avoidable? This is a question that I constantly ask myself especially when I get into the occasional quarrel, with parents for instance. (I’m sure most of you if not all can relate to this.)

I will now like to relate an interpersonal conflict that happened during my National Service (NS) days that just proves once again how easily conflicts can occur. The thought of having to go through two years of NS was already something that made me feel very uneasy and getting into a conflict was the last thing I envisioned. However, this was not meant to be…

NS has exposed me to people of very different backgrounds. I got to meet a wide spectrum of people, from those who were high-flyers, to those who were involved in gangs and secret societies. In my army unit, I was made to be in charge of the platoon when we were on a course. Under my charge was a guy who was very notorious. He was once part of a gang and had been involved in numerous fights. I tried to be nice and diplomatic to the platoon in general, but this did not prevent me from having a clash with him.

One day, he approached me in the bunk and told me in hokkien that he did not like the way I handled things in the platoon. I could sense the aggressiveness in his tone. Sensing a potential conflict or even a fight, I did not dare to even look at him and merely answered him politely, telling him that I did not want any problems. Instead, he grabbed me by the collar and before I knew it, there was a struggle. Fortunately, an officer happened to walk pass the bunk and he broke up the tussle. If not who knows what would have happened to me!

The irony here was that my reluctance to face or get involved in the conflict actually got me into a conflict, which ended up with him trying to beat me up! Was it my refusing to face him when he showed up my bunk, portray my arrogance and disrespect for him instead? (Although I answered him politely) Or was it already his intention to beat me up regardless of how I was to react?

Could something have been done differently in this case to avoid the conflict? Or was the conflict in this case really unavoidable? I still ask myself these questions today although I managed to get out of it unscathed.

Thank you for reading this long post and I look forward to reading your responses! =)

Effective Communication: Something not to be overlooked!

Communication is something that is all around us, something that we use every day over a vast spectrum of mediums. These include carrying out a normal conversation, sending an email to a friend or fellow colleague, as well as writing business letters, just to list a few. Although it is something that we use every day, so much that it becomes second nature, its importance is often undermined or overlooked. Communicating is one thing, but how to do it effectively is another. Sad to say most of us are rather poor when it comes to communicating effectively.

Having effective communication skills allow us to be clearly understood, thus avoiding potential disputes or conflicts that may arise due to misunderstanding. Among family members or close friends, poor communication skills may cause a complete breakdown in communication. It can potentially make or sever long forged friendships. On an even broader perspective, effective communication skills are not only a stepping stone to a successful career, but also the foundation for a satisfying life.

We more often than not have the wrong perceptions of how communication actually works. Take into account a simple scenario where we have two people are having a conversation. In this case, it may seem very intuitive to us that there is a sender (who is the one speaking) and a receiver (who is the one listening to what is being said) and that they take turns sending and receiving through the course of the conversation. However, what is often overlooked is the non-verbal aspect of conversation that more often than not distorts the information that is being sent and received, better known to most as body language. Body language can communicate agreement, disagreement, hurt feelings or anger. This can effectively distort the information that we are sending across to the other person, and it takes place constantly through the course of the conversation. As such the art of effective communication is more complex than we actually believe it to be!

Effective conversation in business letters, emails and good/bad new letters are also very important especially in the workplace as the wrong choice of word or tone used can result in huge misunderstanding. In the IT age that we are in today, knowing how to communicate using wikis and blogs (like what I’m doing now =P) is also very essential.

As such, we can see that communication involves every aspect of our life. Being effective in it can give us an edge in practically everything we do and ES2007s is extremely useful in helping make us more complete people!

Test Post

Hi everybody! Just testing the blog to see if it's ok. Our first lesson was really exciting and hilarious! See all of you soon! =)